Lets Run Away
by Dawnandspike4eva
Summary: Dawn just wants to run away. Get away from the endless hurt. From the memory of a night "they" shared long ago. Just a memory. But will anyone run away with her? PLEASE R and R. XOXO. :-D


If words could help her now, she would know how to use them. Always did. A regular chatterbox Dawn was. But words couldn't save her now. Nothing could. Nothing that mattered. There was one person in the world who actually mattered. And he was busy, elsewhere. Crying over the death of the eldest Summers. So why would it matter. Why did anything matter? Should just give up all this pining and crying. No point. Because she is not worth the tears. Buffy was. Always was. Everyone cried over her. Loved her. Followed her. Dawn was the little sister, the key, unreal, despicable.

Buffy didn't know what happened the summer just after she died. No one knew. Spike drowned himself in liquor. And Dawn drowned herself in him. They never spoke about that night. That night of comfort. But it wasn't as comfortable for Dawn. Her first time. With a drunk vampire. Not ideal. But it was something from her wildest dreams. Him, holding her, touching her. In ways he had never done before. She wondered if he even remembered. He was so drunk it was possible he had blocked it out completely. He certainly acted as if that was so.

When Buffy came back it was as if that night never happened. As if nothing had changed. They all went back to saving the world. And Buffy went back to Spike. It crushed Dawn. She imagined her insides, wrought together, twisted into a vice, being tightened, and tightened. Until the feeling just went away. No, never went away. Just got use to it. She felt far too much. More than anyone. And it destroyed her. Just like Spike.

But Buffy didn't stay alive, like usual. She died again. This time Dawn wasn't to blame. Or so it seemed. For all she knew, it could have been her fault. Everything else that went wrong was. Even Spike not loving her. That was her fault. Because who could love something that wasn't real. Was just a key. Used to unlock hells door. Of course that was what she would be used for. Always used. Never really wanted. Damn that girl knew how to love. Strange for someone who had never felt the favor returned. She could truly send it out.

"Wake up!" A deep voice hissed at her. Nudging her with his foot.

"Ugh!" Dawn growled as she rolled over. Waking not so elegantly from her slumber. She looked up at her intruder. "What do you want?" She hissed. Riley stood in front of her papers in his hand. After Buffy died the hundredth time, he was lost. And so was Dawn, but for other reasons. Their friendship become a very strange presence, one that they were use to now. Kind of like brother and sister. Both pining over the dead. But her dead was just down the street from her. In a crypt. Still breathing. His. Was not. No matter how much it hurt for her love to be alive…breathing, not wanting her, it was worse for Riley. Much worse. She knew he would give up everything for Buffy to be alive. Even if she did not want him. It was not about that.

"Help me with this?" He was attempting kindness now. Pointless. Then again, everything was.

"What!" The brunette sat up clearly irritated.

"I have to write a poem for my English class." Riley sat next to her wide eyed. He had decided to go back to college after the loss of his forever lover. And he was struggling. Constantly asking Dawn for help. Not with the smarts of it all, he had the brains. When it came to his English class, he seemed to have some trouble. Captain cardboard was not the poetic type.

"Riley, is their an urgent reason why you woke me?" She shook her head, rubbing the sleep from her tired eyes. "Or could this have waited until I had my coffee?" Dawn yawned sitting back against her headboard.

"Uh…" Riley sounded completely flummoxed. Then Dawn looked at the direction of his gaze and realized it was because she was only wearing a bra. And she was completely uncovered.

"Ugh!" She groaned and covered her chest with a blanket. "This is why we develop a more discrete way of entering my room when I am sleeping." Dawn spoke sarcastically. "Next time so much clothing may not be present." She offered. Maybe this would keep him from intruding so often. So damn often. He had become clingy, because Dawn offered friendship. Offered promises that he would find another, and that he would be okay. And she truly believed that he would. But she never would. Couldn't.

"Sorry." He apologized bashfully.

"It's okay." Dawn offered, yawning again. "Now tell me, what are we writing about?" She asked with a slight smile. It was fake, but it was for him. Her only friend. Now. Had lost all the others. In the midst of her morbid depression.

"Heartbreak." Riley answered cheerful.

"That should be easy." Dawn grabbed the paper from his hands. Heartbreak was easy. At least easy to write about. She knew heartbreak. Knew agony. Spike had delivered heaps of that her way.

_You promised a lifetime of forever_

_And it turned out to be a night of never_

_You admitted to your sins, but not to my face_

_You stole away, and destroyed my saving grace_

_Feeling used was never the burden I requested of you_

_But I suppose pain is the reckoning you can ensue_

_So ill crumble to my lament, Without the charm of being saved_

_You will remember forever the endlessness you paved_

Dawn wrote down the words. It was easy for her. Pain came naturally. And the sadness was written on Riley's face. He knew about Spike. Because he was the only one she could trust to tell. The only one she trusted anymore. At least. Somewhat trusted. Because eventually they all left her.

"Dawn?" He looked at her saddened. He cared for his friend. Although she wasn't his. No. That wasn't right. Was always Spikes. Even when others could care for her better. Even when others did. She was cursed to belong to him for eternity. No matter how much pain it caused. She couldn't break away.

"It's ok." She half-smiled. "I'm over it." She attempted the lie and felt foolish instantly after. Because he knew that was far from true. They both did. She would never be over it. Riley was beginning to get over Buffy. As best he could. But she would never get over Spike. Couldn't. Would if she could. Wished she could. But she couldn't. Burning bridges as she went a long in life. Burning every bridge that reminded her of him. Riley was the only one who didn't. Only when they weren't talking about him. Talking about Spike.

"Maybe you should talk to him." Riley suggested.

"I have." She rolled her eyes. Of course she had. But never alone. And never about anything other than what the group discussion was.

"No Dawn." Riley shook his head. "Tell him how you feel." He really cared. For once. Someone cared. Riley was the last person she expected to befriend this way. And it was nice. But that's all anything ever was _nice._

"Why?" Dawn chuckled, almost earnestly. "So he can tell me that I'm just a kid." She shrugged.

"He didn't think you were just a kid that night." Riley spoke harshly. It made Dawn cringe.

"Yeah, but you don't know Spike." Her words were breathy. Her voice gasping for oxygen. "He sees things very different than you and I." She nodded sure that, that was the truth. "Like, that night. I'm not sure he even remembers." Of course not. Because she didn't matter. Wasn't worth remembering. Even though he told her it was the best first he ever had. It didn't make much sense to her then. It did now. Somewhat. She could still feel that night. Feel him. Against her. Could never forget it. Dreamt about it. Ached for it. Hated its memory. Because that was all it was. A memory. Cursing her thoughts. Tearing her apart. Because he didn't love her. Never would. Couldn't. Because she wasn't real.

"Dawn, of course he does." Riley replied, his words were filled with promise. They almost gave her hope. Then again that was what they offered one another. Hope.

"I guess." She shrugged. "I think I just hoped he had forgotten. Cause otherwise, he just doesn't care." Her words were shaky. Her voice wavering, her eyes clouded with tears.

"He would be an idiot not to care Dawn." Riley spoke sincere.

"Thanks." She smiled and offered him a quick hug without thinking. The sheet fell.

"Dawnie?" Riley tightened.

"Oops." She giggled foolishly. "Sorry." They both laughed. Not like it mattered. This friendship thing worked really well. It was right this way. Perfect.

"Well, ill leave you to your slumber." Riley smiled walking towards the door. "And Dawn, he really is a fool if he doesn't care about you." He smiled and walked out the door.

Dawn rested against the headboard of her bed once more. For a second she thought he could be right. Mostly she just thought he was being nice. That's what they offered one another. Hope. But it was a vain hope. A hope plagued by truth. By cold hard facts. Spike couldn't love something that was not real. No one could. It seemed she offered perfect friendship. But nothing more. Even though she could offer love. Offer herself completely. But he wouldn't want that. Wasn't worth that. Never was. Just a key. Just a burden. Usable certainly. Lovable, that was impossible.

Dawn shivered as the cold air from her window inundated her aching bones. She didn't feel like rising to shut it yet. In a second. When the thoughts of Spike stopped plaguing her thoughts. She couldn't seem to escape him. Not here at least. Maybe leaving this Sunnyhell would be the best for her. Maybe she could get out of here someday. Someday she could be free of this place. Free of Spike. Every time she breathed it hurt. Stung deep in her chest. The one person she ever really cared about, didn't care about her. Couldn't possibly. Because Riley was right. Spike remembered. He just didn't care enough to think about it. It couldn't devour his thoughts like it did Dawns. Took her over completely, until is seemed like there was nothing left at all.

She dreamed of a world where Spike loved her. Where he had chosen her over the slayer. A world were they never had to fight the pain. Because Buffy was still alive in this world. But Dawn wasn't a key. She was real in this fantasy world. And in this world Spike adored her. He wanted to be with only her. They didn't have to deny one another, because in this world, the scoobies accepted their love. In this world Dawn was loved.

Dawn also thought of another world. One where Spike didn't matter at all. One where they were friends and nothing more. Where Dawn was a normal teenage girl who had feelings for normal teenage boys. But that world was almost more impossible than the one where Spike loved her. Almost.

She tried so hard just to breathe. Just to live. Sure she found comfort in Riley's friendship. But comfort barely eased the pain. Barely kept her alive. That was all it did. Kept her breathing. Kept her suffering. Reality was too hard to face. Because it was a reality she hated. Her reality. Her life. The unloved key.

Dawn lay there for a few hours. Still. Focused on her breathing. Trying so hard not to feel. But she could. Maybe she would leave this place. Maybe when Riley finished this semester they would run away together. Start over. They could do that. Find some other place to live. Maybe they could even travel. Go to Italy. She had always wanted to see other places. Or maybe they would just find some random town to settle into. Start over completely. A new life. They could do that. They deserved that. Not like the scoobies would notice. She rarely saw them anymore. Only when they had important meetings. And Spike was always present at those. She could do without that. So maybe they would run away. Maybe. Just maybe.

In the midst of her thoughts Dawn heard someone stumble into her room. Through the window of course. She didn't look at first. Didn't really care. If some "oogley boogley" was coming for her, she would be ready. Always ready. But when the scent of liquor and cigarettes entered her nose, she gasped. Spike? Why? She looked down at him stumbling to regain his composure. Was she dreaming? Certainly she was. Having a nightmare. Dawn barely moved. Still believing this sight was a figment. It had to be.

He was smoking as he tossed the large grey blanket to the floor. Dawn quickly jumped out of her bed and closed her curtains. She knew he would be too weak to do so. So she did. Why she even cared she would never know. Should have just let the sun burn him. But she knew that would be worse. She would just spend the rest of her life crying over his death. Instead of trying to move on. That was what she was doing now. Trying. Failing. But at least she was trying. With him showing up like this it wouldn't be easy.

"Dawn." Spike looked at her. His expression vacant. It seemed this was really her ex-vampire-one-night-stand-best-friend, standing before her. She breathed. This was gonna suck.

"Spike?" She looked at him, furrowing her eyes brows. "What the hell are you doing here?" Dawn stood, hands on her hips. She could be rude. She had earned that.

"Nice bra love." Spike snickered. It was his way of telling her that she was shirtless. His way of warning her of her indiscretions. But she seemed to bare too many of those. It was a lacy black bra. No reason for owning bras like this. Not like anyone saw them.

"You like it?" She nodded a sarcastic grin on her face. "Now seriously." She paused. "What the fuck are you doing here?" She hissed anger clear in her tone.

"Whoa!" Spike exclaimed. "Some serious hostility, Nibblet." He exaggerated his words.

"Don't you dare call me that!" She pointed at him, her voice was stern. "My best friend use to call me that." She was calm now.

"M'not your friend anymore love?" Spike asked sincere. As if the fact that they hadn't talked to each other in forever, that didn't give him any insight into their relationship status.

"Spike, you still haven't told me what your doing here?" Dawn was calmer now. She was holding back. Anguish was always present in her voice. So she attempted anger sometimes, to hide the pain.

"Came to say hi." It was almost a question. The blonde vampire seemed so unsure. Before he could say anything more Dawns phone made a loud noise. A text message. "Who's that?" Spike asked, almost as if he had the right.

"Riley." She answered dryly. "He wants to take me to dinner." She spoke, her nose down as she texted back.

"So you've shacked up with captain cardboard now?" Spike asked aggravated. Jealously obvious in his manner.

"You really think you have the right to ask me that?" Dawn asked looking up at him. It seemed she was good at placid. Could make her voice sound completely dead and uncaring. But it was a lie because she always cared. Never stopped caring.

"Oh." He paused. "Probably not." He frowned. So maybe he did remember. It seemed like it. The way he stood there now. Unmoving. Burdened. Guilty.

"Yeah, probably not." She nodded sounding so sure of herself. They stood there for a moment in silence. Until Spike realized he still had to know.

"But really Dawn." Spike paused. "Your not with him are you?" He asked pained. Knew he didn't have the right to ask, but he had to know the truth.

"No." She frowned at her admittance. Because there was no one. No one but him. Never was, probably never would be. "Hasn't been anyone else." She spoke staring at the floor. Almost as if she was talking to herself. But she wasn't, he was standing in front of her.

"Dawn…" Spike stepped closer, reaching out a hand to touch her. To comfort her. He didn't know what to do. How to react to her words. Hated himself. For everything.

"No." She pulled away quickly. Didn't want him to comfort her. Didn't want pity. None of this mattered. She swore she was leaving. Had to. Needed to get away. This would be the best thing for her. "Why are you here Spike?" She asked, an aching in her shaky voice.

"Sorta thought I could win you back." Spike half chuckled. He was trying to make her smile. All he seemed to do lately was make her angry. Because he had broken her. Destroyed her. It was his fault she was like this now. An empty shell of what she once was. No longer that glow that he always saw in her. He took that from her.

"Yeah?" Sarcasm flooded her weak tone. Then she began to laugh. Not that there was any humor in the situation. But if she didn't laugh she would cry. So she allowed the laughter to flow freely from her throat.

"Okay Nibblet, didn't think it was that funny." Spike shrugged rolling his blue eyes.

"It's not." She continued laughing hysterically. "It's just bullshit." More laughter.

"Bullshit?" Spikes voice rose above its normal calm tone. "What's bullocks is you being so bloody close to that captain cardboard, that's bullocks." Spike hissed.

"Spike shut up!" Dawn chuckled annoyed. It was funny how she was reacting to him now. It seemed she was getting stronger. Like seeing him made her realize. She shouldn't be weak like this. She had fight left in her. He always told her to fight. That was what he made her promise him, that she would never give up. She would always be strong.

"Maybe, I'll go slaughter the nancy boy." Spike added nonchalantly. As if he was still evil, maybe he was. Just a little bit. Dawn chuckled at his words. Remembered when he use to offer death to the scoobies, if only it would make her feel better. Remembered their friendship, it seemed that was real. Maybe too real, because it had to end. Or maybe that was their fault, for taking it further than it was ever supposed to go.

"You could try." She rolled her eyes.

"What?" Spike looked at her annoyed. "Are you suggesting that captain cardboard is tougher than me?" His eyes widened.

"Spike." She closed her eyes tight. "If I'm going tonight then I need to start getting ready. Its already four." She spoke looking at her watch.

"Alright pet." Spike frowned. He sat on the bed without asking. As if it was alright that he were here.

"Spike?" She asked looking at him, confusion in her eyes. What did he think he was doing. Was he really this cocky, this sure of himself. That he figured all was forgiven. It almost made her hate him. Almost.

"Yes?" He asked leaning against the wall behind her bed.

"Leave." She demanded.

"Pet come on, you think I'm going back out there until dark your crazy." Spike yawned puffing at his cigarette.

"Fine, I don't care." She shook her head. "Stay!" She hissed and turned back towards her bathroom. Dawn slammed the door behind her as loud as she could. She decided as she was undressing and turning her shower to just about as hot as it could go, that she could use this. Show him just what he was missing? No maybe that was too much for her. Was something stronger, more confident girls did. She was not confident, was not like her sister. No one was.

Dawn jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She decided to dry her hair in the bathroom, making her appearance better when she entered her bedroom. Dawn breathed in deeply, the intake of air stung as always. As she stepped out of the bathroom towel wrapped firmly around her small frame, she half expected him to be gone. But he wasn't. He was on her bed smoking one of his cigarettes. He had some papers in his hand. Dawn looked at him unsure of what he was looking at.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that looking through peoples personal items is rude?" Dawn rolled her eyes grasping a hold of the towel. A firm grasp. Not like that accident would be awkward or anything.

"You quit school." Spike looked at her his face blank. Dawn had begun attending college last he knew. But as he read the paperwork in his hands, telling him she wouldn't be enrolling next semester he was confused.

"Couldn't afford it." She shrugged.

"Oh Dawn…" He stood up and stepped closer to her. "I'm so sorry." He wrapped his arms around her. Where was this sympathy coming from. She shivered as she felt his body tighten around hers. She wrapped her arms around his waste. The grace of feeling someone close after so long of being lonely was nice. But as the towel fell to ground, those comfortable feelings quickly fell with it.

"Dawn?" Spike spoke with a smile in his voice.

"Yah." She spoke red faced.

"Did your towel just fall?" He snickered.

"Yup." She spoke quickly and nervously. Dawn went to quickly grab the towel but found she couldn't Spikes grasp tightened. "Spike?"

"Dawn…" He looked down at her wanting in his eyes. She shivered once more. She remembered that look. But this time it was not just hungry, there was something more in his eyes. Could she deny him if this was what he wanted. No. Never. Love was too powerful. Too breathtaking. Too crumbling. His lips met hers with a fiery passion. No more words. Just lips. Just love. Their embrace seemed to last forever. Letting passion take over completely. Like it had once before. This time it was effortless. No nervousness. Just desire. Just them.

Dawn lay content, confused, desired. She looked up at Spike who was staring at her intently. She thought about what this meant. Hadn't before, couldn't, had no chance in fighting it. His gaze burned her flesh, dug into her soul. As she thought about the things she had lost, about how he had hurt her before, how this was probably going to be a repeat of last time, her eyes began to well up with tears. This would never change. It would only get worse. She could not deny him, the love she felt was too powerful for her. Couldn't control herself. Wished so desperately that she could.

"What's wrong, love?" Spike asked noticing the pain in her face.

"Nothing." She frowned looking down and away from his face. A face she yearned to look at every second. One that tore her apart inside.

Spike just chuckled for a moment. "Nibblet, its not nothing." He shook his head, touching her chin and tilting her head to face him. "Tell the big bad what's got you down." He smirked, that same undeniably sexy smirk.

"I love you." A tear slid down her porcelain cheek.

"Why does that make you cry?" He asked kissing the tear from her cheek.

"Your gonna leave again." Her eyes were glossed over. "Everyone leaves." It was the truth, at least it was her truth.

"Never again, love." Spike promised. "I was a fool." He admitted sadness in his voice. "I love you." He cupped her face with this hands.

"But why?" She asked looking at him. He knew what she meant. Why had he left?

"Your too good for me, love." He admitted. "But who am I to say who you should be with. If this is what you want…" Spike pressed his lips against hers. Tonight was different. She felt at home. All the pain…was gone. Faded away when he touched her. She was happy. She was blissful.

"Spike?" Dawn gulped as their lips parted. She looked up at his smoldering blue eyes and shivered.

"Yes pet?" He asked still cupping her face with his strong hand. He touched her face almost as if he had to be touching her.

"Do you really love me?" She asked him not weak, just serious. There was not a fear in her voice just a questioning, she needed to know.

"Yes." Simply. He smirked as he spoke, as if it were funny to him. As if he had no means of expressing just how much he loved her.

"Then run away with me?" She bit her bottom lip, waiting for his answer. Waiting for the vain hope that they could be happy, together. If they stayed she knew the scoobies would find any means possible to rip them apart. They needed to run away together, to make this real.

"Pack your things." He smiled and it was earnest. Almost as if there was nothing greater that he could hope for, than what she was requesting of him. Freedom. Happiness.

Dawn complied and excitedly scrambled to pack her things. She just took what was important of course. While she was tossing things into a duffel bag Spike came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waste.

"I love you pet." He whispered into her ear making her smile brighter than the sun. "Forever." He gently placed an unchaste kiss upon the smooth skin of her neck. So they were going to do it, going to run away together. Life would go from a dismal void filled of cruelty, to the purest and simplest piece of bliss they both deserved. They would run away together. And this would last, forever. Because he could promise forever, he had that to give.


End file.
